More Clam Grit Surprise, Honey?

I've been excited for days to make clams and shrimp with linguine smothered in a rich yet bright and clean white wine cream sauce for my husband and I to scoop into a warm bowl and curl up on the couch around, savoring each bite whilst (whilst!!) sipping a nice crystal glass of crisp Pinot. My attempt at this seemingly simple feat just recently concluded and I have two words for you....Epic. Fail. It was all bad, kids, all bad. Let's start with the clams. Ecstatic to see that my little grocer provided some semi-frozen, admittedly shady-looking albeit available "steamer" clams, I picked up two pounds paying $14.00 and rushed home. I poured my clam procurement into a strainer to be scrubbed, pausing to relish the satisfying sound the shells make when they click against each other, only to discover that out of two pounds I get to keep six....SIX. Cue the Count from Sesame Street, there are only six clams. Okay, I can deal with six clams, I have an entire pound of fresh shrimp to peel. Sharp, slightly exasperated but still hopeful sigh and on to the steaming liquid. Sweet diced onion, slices of lemon, and a plump clove of garlic simmering in olive oil, sprinkle in some thyme and black pepper, getting translucent and smelling great, in goes the Pinot, followed by the clams, cover and let it hang. Cool. Moving on. Make a tasty little bechamel, add spices, greek yogurt to thicken. Pop! Hey, the clams are opening. Drop in the shrimpies to keep 'em company. Sun's still shining, birds are still singing, life is still good. Combine the bechamel with the seafood and steaming liquid, tong in whole wheat spaghetti. What's next? Pour some wine? Don't mind if I do! Chop some parsley, toss 'er in. Sprinkle with parmesan. Get out the bowls, homegirl's serving up some deliciousness! Spin that first bite around your fork ensuring inclusion of one of those pink, succulent shrimp and uuuuuuuuuuuuurchhhhhhh, the party train screeches to a very unsettling halt. There is grit. Did I mention there are only five clams now because one decided not to open? My clam and shrimp pasta has turned into shrimp and clam grit pasta and with each bite I'm getting more and more disturbed. I look over at my husband who is powering through, munching away on the bowl of sand spaghetti I've served him. I realize how lucky I am to have such a supportive husband as I crunch into another shrimp. The only redeeming qualities to this atrocity are the flavor to the sauce, smooth, light, can taste the lemon, mmm that's nice, and I did not overcook the shrimp which I find shocking at this point. Look at the pasta, back at him, back at the pasta, back at him. How is he still eating this? Fast forward through me apologizing and stomping around (I bet I'm a joy to live with) and where does it leave me...sitting on my floor, swilling the rest of the bottle like divorcees at brunch and pecking out this self-pitying narrative with, what I've just realized, are seafood fingers, praying that (if anything can) the delightfulness of Eric Stonestreet on Modern Family can bring me out of this post-apocalytic recipe funk. Sigh....this totally tanks my average.

This experience has taught me two things: 1) Always ask to see the clams before buying them and 2) The food pictures posted online may look delicious but this means nothing in reality. Evidence below.

I may look tasty but do not be fooled.